November

The Immaculate Challenges

While going through treatment, I fulfilled a desire of mine to write a book, and in November, I received the first copy of The Immaculate Challenges. Although the copy of this book that sits at my home is complete, that edition purely belongs to Lila. But as I sit here today, I believe there is a version I want to share with you all. Although this will take time to complete, for the remainder of this post, I want to share with you all a rough draft of the introduction.

¨¨ 

Dear Lila,

It is with both immense joy and great sadness that the first thing I tell you is that this life of yours will be defined by challenges. By the time you are reading this book, you may have already come to this realization. However, what you might not truly comprehend yet, is the true definition of a challenge. You will find that people often think of a challenge as a time of trial stemming from a particular event or circumstance. But that is only a common stigma that fits half the truth. It is essential for you to understand that just as challenges can be painful, sad, and hard, they can be just as joyous, kind, and loving.

You should also know, by their very nature, nearly all challenges you face in your life will be perfect. No matter what you may encounter, there will never be a set outcome as to who you will be once the challenge is finished. The timing is not set, but with most challenges, you will eventually be able to look back and see how what you went through was flawless.

As I write this to you now, I am currently facing the most difficult challenge I have ever encountered. I am actively undergoing treatment for cancer. Last December, when you were just five months along in your mom's stomach, doctors found a tumor in my chest larger than you at the time. After a series of tests and a week in the hospital, I was diagnosed with Stage II Unfavorable Hodgkin's Lymphoma. While in the hospital, doctors told me if I had waited just a few weeks, I might not have had the chance to write you this story.

Now I find myself in the midst of a great transition, as I am in the middle of my treatment and just a few months away from welcoming you into this world. On the other side of this complex remedy is not only a second chance at life for me, but your beautiful life will now be in this world. Looking back, I can vividly recall when this transition started to take place eight months ago. 

¨

I turned the corner and was instantly struck with the vibrant colors of blue and green as the perfect summer's day made its presence clearly known to all. As I shifted into second gear, the classical music that came through my helmet fused with the sound of my motorcycle slowly accelerating. This was my Sunday stroll, so I was sure to take things easy. The nearly twenty year-old café racer I rode was at the pinnacle of its existence as the chrome and deep red body soaked in the warm, energetic sun and beamed the light back into the world. Seamlessly in sync with the rays that glistened off the water on my left from Lake of the Isles.

As I traveled around the lake, I looked up and saw oak trees on both sides bestowing their wavering shade on my path. Surrounding these great trees was brilliant grass, trying hard to show off a brighter green than the leaves towering above. On my right, with front-row seats, were royal manors watching me and everyone around as we performed our great act of what it truly meant to be a Minnesotan on a magnificent summer’s day.

Growing accustomed to the scene around me, I found my mind drifting to complete peace. My thoughts filled with thanks and humbleness for where I was and what I was doing. This peace, although very scarce, had struck me before. Each time this feeling presented itself in the past, the situation had been marked with ideal conditions. None of which were ever created or obtained on my own. On this day, however, the peace was different than I had experienced before.

As I continued my lap around the lake, the peace struck deeper and deeper. It did not stop in the moment but instead asserted itself well beyond. It reached far and spanned my entire life. It came alive to the surface by asking, "Do you realize how blessed you are for the life you have?" Just as calmly as the wind blew across the lake, so did this thought calmly fuel love inside me for all in my life.

It was as if the moment's bliss was marking an exact checkpoint in my life. I could see clearly how every joy and pain in my life intertwined and led me to that moment. This entangled story knocked loudly, and when I looked closer at the invitation it offered, I found that the guest list was immaculate. At the door, waiting to get into this special event, were all the challenges I had faced in my life. They were collectively asking me to reflect, to be present, and to dream at the same time.

As I turned off the lake drive and started my ride home, my thoughts returned to their typical state. All while the next and most difficult challenge in my life got ready to announce itself over the coming months.

I am only 28 years old, but I have already encountered enough challenges to fill an entire lifetime with hardships, joys, accomplishments, and dreams. Thankfully, I have captured all of it. Halfway through these 28 years, I started writing everything down. And at the age of 14, I wrote the following:

I have these feelings I must describe

Not by screaming or by crying or by laughing or dancing

They can be gone in a flash

So I write so they will last

These feelings they are true and pure

They come every once in a while

Things you love can be gone in a flash

So remember them by writing in the lines

Life is short and you are young

And you don't have a care

Make use of your life

And the things you do

Hold on when things are rough

And fly high when you are happy

When you are sad let it out

Don't keep it to yourself

Use the bad for what not to do

And use the good to raise yourself

Give a hand to help your neighbor

And take one when it is given

But most of all love your life for it is yours

From my first poem when I was 14 to these words now, I held true to my young self by writing in the lines. These pages you hold in your hands are filled with my experiences, feelings, thoughts, and dreams, which I have captured in place by inscribing them in various mediums over the years. But this is not all you currently have in your possession.

By reflecting on the words I have collected, I have realized that they store all the knowledge I have gained from my life of challenges. I have also determined these lessons are not mine to hoard. If I did not share, I would not be holding true to the wishes of my younger self.

The first challenge of mine that I will share with you Lila, is that of me losing my father when I was 11 years old. Unfortunately, he passed suddenly and left me with nothing but memories. There were no instructions left behind for this world that he should have passed on to me.

By writing this book, I serve two purposes. First and foremost, although I have been given an excellent prognosis, I want to write this for you so that you will never find yourself without your dad here on this Earth.

And second, I write for myself that my new chance at life is rooted in priceless lessons, admirable virtues, and a deep understanding from what I have already undergone. Although there are numerous challenges for me to draw from, the nine below will set the foundation for my new life and be the source of the knowledge I want to share with you.

Loss

Faith

Military Service

Love

Career

Anxiety

The Challenge Year

Cancer

Lila Rea

It is vital that I tell you now that what I share with you will not be solutions for your own challenges. Instead, I hope that what I share with you will shine a light on your path so that whatever you encounter, you can do so with confidence. And so I start with a revised version of what 14-year-old me would ask me to root my life in.

This life is marked with feelings that long sincerely to be expressed

Some are unusual and don't seek to be shared externally through typical means

These feelings don't ask for laughs or tears

Nor do they ask for us to scream or dance

Capturing them is hard to do as they come and go as they please

In both directions, they make haste travel with no warning

By writing them down, you are able to secure them beyond the moment

What will be found when looking at what you captured is something pure and honest

Just as these feelings can disappear in a blink, so can the ones you love

They, too, can live outside the present if you write them into the lines

This life is finite, but you just starting again

The time between then and now is viewed with ease

That gap, however, should be filled with purpose

Each moment should be met and departed from with intention

When things are rough, stay fixed on the other side

If times are good, soak up all the joy

As the journey brings heartache, do not avoid it

Do not hold in what wants to come out

Embrace the hard lessons from the negative that surrounds

Set your foundation on the good that is before you

Lift those around that need a hand

When offered back, reach for the extended grip

But most of all, love your life for it is yours