May

To the soon-to-be father.

I am sure you have been given countless advice. Don't worry; this letter is not to provide you with more tips. It is not even written to help prepare you for your newborn. No, this letter is simple. Herein is what I wish I had understood before taking on fatherhood.

I wish I had understood that it was okay to have no idea what I was doing.

Before my daughter came, I tried my best to find materials to help prepare me; not only to be a parent, but to be a father. I was not looking for more parenting advice; instead, I was looking for guidance in what it meant for me in a world where I now had a baby in my arms. Despite my best efforts, I could not find what I was looking for to help guide me in this new chapter of my life.

This led me to two ideas. One, that my life was not going to change, or two, that I was supposed to already have it all figured out. Well, I am sure it seems obvious that the first idea was crazy. And the second idea, as great as that would be, was far from reality.

I am someone who likes to always have things figured out as best I can and a plan for any situation. With these characteristics, I would have thought I would be discouraged or frustrated trying to learn fatherhood out on the fly.

But rather than these feelings, I found generosity from within. Generosity that allowed me slack when I had no idea what I was doing. Generosity that showed me the importance of going with the flow. And so, for all the time I spent anxious and stressing before I became a father, I wish I had understood that I did not need to have things figured out ahead of time.

I wish I understood that the time I thought I would lose, was rather precious time that I would gain.

I hated when people told me that my life would never be the same. It always seemed to come in the form of a warning. This made me terrified that I would have to give up everything I enjoyed to care for a child. My mind went to the time I would lose being able to golf, my mind went to the time I would lose being able to work out, my mind went to the time I would lose sleeping. Unfortunately, with what felt like someone sounding the alarm, my mind never went to what I would have instead.

For what I thought would be lost time, instead was all gained. Lost time on the golf course was replaced with smiles. Lost time going for a long run was replaced with the awe of watching a baby discover the world. Lost time sleeping was replaced with coos and giggles. All the time that I feared I would lose was replaced with love in the greatest form. And so, I wish I had understood that I would not lose out when I became a father. Rather, I wish I had focused on the joy that would fill my world. (And fear not, for I am still able to do all those things; it just takes more careful planning.)

Before I became a father, I wish I did not stress about not knowing what to do. I wish I did not think about what I would lose out on. Rather, I wish I had thought about the love that was about to flood my life.

I wish for you soon-to-be father, to enjoy the incredible journey you are about to embark on.