August

Peace.

In August, eight months after finding out I had cancer and nearly four months after Lila was born, I was told that I was cured. As my doctor told me this news, I wept for the overwhelming Joy I experienced.

During treatment, it felt as though I was stuck in a deep, dark pit. From the bottom, I could look above and see light. Along the edges, was everything in my life. From what I could see, I was able to understand how blessed and fortunate I was. But the entire time, despite my excellent prognosis, my mind kept me down and would not let me truly enjoy what was around.

This same state of mind kept me distant on April 21st, when Lila was born. On that day, I did not experience the happiness I should have when I held my daughter for the first time. As I cradled Lila, I was still in the pit, looking at her from afar.

But then, on that August day, when I was told the wonderful news of being in remission, I experienced the most profound moment of my life.

From the bottom of the pit, my mind accelerated over the past eight months. All of the happiness which was withheld from me during that time came flooding in.

My mind finally let me clearly see my amazing friends who were by my side the entire time. It allowed me to hug my family as they supported me. It let me feel the warmth of the sun on frigid winter days. It let me smell the lilacs in the spring.

Then, it halted to a stop on April 21st.

My mind brought me back to that day as clearly as it happened. As it did, I experienced holding Lila for the first time all over again. Holding her this time, I knew that everything was okay.

Looking down at her in my arms, all was at peace.